The Marshalling Yard

I guess it was inevitable that at times on this journey the train would be side tracked and forward progress hindered almost to a standstill. Laying semi paralysed in the bed rest siding at The Royal Surrey is one of those interludes during which spirits and positivity reached an all time low because of the discovery, treatment and  further investigation of the mets in the thoracic spinal region and all the negative  implications associated with this frightening situation.


On the up track the news is slightly more encouraging having, with the best support in the  world, come to terms with the  indignities, loss of independence and fears of the unknown accompanying this current condition, now seen the glimmer of a green light ahead as I complete the 5 sessions of radiotherapy later today and await the results of a full spine MRI (30 minutes in that tube with tumour pains nagging is no joke so it had better be a good result!)


The continuing care from the ward staff and and all the other teams involved, both personal and professional keep me bouyant and for that I am eternally grateful and do my utmost to reward such stirling efforts by trying to stay as upbeat as possible - but it ain't aways easy folks!


Apologies for the limited means of communication with you all as editing and updating this blog alone is a mammoth task using the hospital facilities, but do please know you are all in my thoughts and I miss the news and the banter.


Love, light and blessings to all you angels, who ensure it's 'Marshalling' in the title and not 'Knackers'


David (X)


P.S. In the interests of common decency and to save my dignity there will be no photos of my bed baths (or, sadly, any others), but without much sense or feeling and occasionally being outnumbered 3 to 1 by pretty nurses I do feel somewhat cheated  :)

Tune in to Radio Royal Surrey

My grateful thanks to the staff and doctors at Phyllis Tuckwell who promptly instigated an MRI scan yesterday morning which swiftly lead to the commencement of a 5 day programme of radiotherapy starting tomorrow at The Royal Surrey, Guildford. The aim is to zap the new secondaries discovered in the thoracic spine area and get me back on my feet again and reduce pain. If I promise to behave myself can I come back to Farnham and thank you all personally (and collect the contents of my mini-bar!) Cheers from David

May You Always Have an Angel by Your Side

Today, a week after being admitted to the Phyllis Tuckwell Hospice, and coincidental with having the wi-fi connection to the internet restored so that I can once again update my blog from my bedside, I received a wonderful keepsake from my virtual Mac-friend, Crystal. Suitably illustrated, it bore the title I have used for this posting and it quite simply reminds me that I continue to be offered into the care of such marvellous people. To the long list I now include all the staff on the various shifts at PTH:

"May you always have an angel watching out for you

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Helping you believe in brighter days and in dreams come true

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Giving you comfort and courage

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 Catching you if you fall

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Inspiring smiles

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Holding your hand and helping you through it all

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May you always have an angel by your side"

Douglas Pagels

It's Good News Week

"Have you heard the news?
What did it say?
Who's won that race?
What's the weather like today?"



Though long overdue my news is a mixed bag and I apologise for not responding to the many pleas for an update. Unfortunately current circumstances over the last few weeks have made a once comfortable situation, perched at my computer whiling away the sleepless hours, now almost intolerable as the acute pain roams around my thorax.


Central to my coping strategies of late has been the battle to control this pain. Recently when it became necessary to have a wisdom tooth extracted my 6th bout of chemo was postponed and blood tests and a CT scan were booked prior to my visit to the dentist. The upshot of all this was, good on the one hand in that clearance was efected for a wholly successful exctraction and consequentially on the other hand, whilst not quite such good news in many respects owing to the results of the scan. It was decided that there was no further benefit from my continuing on the Real 3 chemo trial: The balance had shifted and although Goliath himself was still very much subduded, two of his henchmnen had returned from Al Queda trainging camps and reinforced their positions in two of the secondary locations; namely lungs and liver. Control of the suspected referral pain resulting from this stance by the enemy is now top priority and to this end a bed is being sought in the Phyllis Tuckwell Hospice to enable some inpatient observation as they try and balance the dosage of painkillers. In the meantime the research team at Guildford, under the guidance of my consultant, are looking for the best of a number of options on the route ahead; to be discussed at a clinic on Thursday.


So it's back in a state of limbo, with a rest period from further chemo treatment (and no option for radiotherapy because of the juxtapositionof the various mets and vital organs), waiting on and monitoring developments of now unrestrained tumours: A somewhat nervous state of affairs being engaged in the next indecisive lap of this relay race. Thankfully my faith in the expertise a nd co-operation of all the elements of my care team makes sure I never drop the baton on the forward progress aimed at 'Stayin Alive'. As far as Goliath and his minions are concerened they will be smothered with love, overpowered with exercise, buried in good food or failing that drowned in alcohol.




P.S. 09.30am Hospice just rung to say there is a bed available for me today; so let's go get this sorted out!


Love and light to one and all


David [X]

Chaka offers to keep my spot on the sofa in the sunshine but complains the water bottle has gone cold

"Im a walkin' in the rain" but I'm no "Runaway"

Unlike Del Shannon and despite this morning's heavy rainfall and eventual dank prevailing conditions, I was happy to be out and about walking the dogs with family and friends on Velmead, part of Eversley Forest near Church crookham. This photo shows Fiona with Rupert and Geraldine with Chaka as we returned to the car park at The Forresters. With such lovely people in my life there is no way I am going anywhere just yet other than soldiering on against Goliath and his cohorts all of whom are doing their damndest to make life as difficult as possible but failing miserably. Take heed you big ugly lug this guy's no 'runaway'!
 

Rupert ("my leg's much better1") and Fiona Laidler with Chaka ("where's it gone?") and Geraldine Edington

Yesterday saw a visit to The Foutain Centre in Guildford for some much needed alternative therapy from some more wonderful professional people prepared to donate some of their valuable time in care of cancer sufferers and carers: I had a session of Accupuncture and Shiatsu Massage with Stuart Ravell followed by an Art meditation with Fiona Channon, whilst Geraldine enjoyed a lovely unexpected 'Allsorts' of Reiki, reflexology and a hydro therm massage with Felicity Alonso. Coming away relaxed and pain free we headed to the, you guessed, Crown and Cushion for a couple of drinks and some delicious sea bass fillets washed down with a delightfully light Vinho Verde. Unfortunately by evening time my pain had returned and later that night the vomiting started: Talk about swings and roundabouts!


Memo to self: Despite my love for over indulging, in persuit of weight stabilization of course, I must remember to be kind to myself in order to manage the food an drink intake versus the medication feed back!!!!!

Thanks for the therapies!

Today sees me once again taking full advantage of the alternative therapies on offer at The Fountain Centre, Guildford where I am booked for my first two sessions since the holidays: Accupuncture/Shiatsu massage with Stuart Ravell, who amazingly fixed my two supposedly arthritic shoulders; a legacy from twenty years of rugby (hope he has some success with these current pains I'm now suffereing through my cancer and it's treatment), and Fiona's fascinating Art Meditation classes which produced our Christmas/New Year card last year, and has reignited my artistic tendencies. I hope that Stuart and Pethidine can control the pian to allow me to benefit fully from the meditaion though I might just like Fi's soothing hands on my shoulders again to help me relax.

Willow Bracket

Turkey Tail

As some of you may have picked up on, one of my retirement hobbies is amateur mycology or fungus spotting (Panic not ye of so little faith I don't even own an anorak!) which initially back in 2006 I combined with my love of photography and as such I organize, on a strictly informal basis, a group of local enthusiasts called the Mushketeers (but please keep that under your hat). Earlier this week I managed two outings to local known hot spots where, although it's not ideally the best time of year for fungi, we had some limited success and anyway the fresh air, albeit a bit dank at present, the good company and thye pub lunches all serve to raise my spirits at what is currently quite a difficult time. Apart from the more regular participants it was wonderful to meet up again with Sally and Ian Tyler, old hands who have been away on a sejourn to Oslo for a couple of years and are now back home in the UK: As ever, in days gone by, the first view as you enter the car parking area is Sally's pert bottom sticking inthe air as she endeavours to tie her boot laces; some things never  change, thankfully! (and no I don't have photographs and ceratinly would not serve such embarrasssment on Sally even if  I did - not much anyway, as I go off in search of my files..... lol)

Yellow Brain Fungus

Mushketeers Julie and Mike

The dog walking community still flourishes on regular jaunts and I have now nearly finished oraganzing our postponed Skittles evening at the Frog and Wicket in Eversley.


A very pleasant interlude yesterday involved meeting up with my daughter Jennie, who, with a rare window of opportunity managed to get away from her hectic schedule as mother of two, personal trainer and running club organizer, and avid concert, as in gig, goer, in order to pick up me and Chaka for a quick walk around Minley and a pub lunch at the Crown and Cushion (surprise, surprise!)


All in all quite a successful and satisfying week and gauranteed to deflect the spears and arrows of Goliath and his minionss that have been raining down on me since Christmas.


One immediate and not so positive Post Script is that Geraldine came home and unexpectedly annouced she had been to see Dr Robinson and was now on two weeks sick leave; him having expressed to her his surprise that she'd manage to hold this long. Enter guilty feelings now on my part engendered by how unobservant I and others had been (Jenny and I both agreed at lunch yesterday that Gerladine seemed to be coping much better). But it's partly due to G being able to shield everyone from knowing exactly how she is feeling for my sake. I would have hoped that friends and colleagues would have raised the alarm bells even if she was prepared to soldier on courageously. I sense it's not a particularly healthy state of affairs despite all her good intentions to save me any more worry.


As for that pesky pussycat Bailey, he's continually on my case..........

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It's Your Party........

.........And I'll Cry If I Want To!






Meaning that I was gutted to have to have cried off from attending Sarah's (my niece) 30th birthday party at the Mandeville Hotel in Mayfair, London last night. After the trials and  tribulations of Christmas and the past weeks and following on so soon after a bout of chemo, it was always going to be touch and go whether or not I would be fit enough to attend this 2nd family gathering. In the end, after what could well have been a more serious car crash when collecting Geraldine from work on Friday, caused by my fatigue and the effects of pain, and a walk with Geraldine and Chaka on the morning it was blatently apparent I was not up for it under any circumstances. A great shame as these South Africans and their friends certainly know how to party.


By hook or by crook I did manage to persuade the hotel to organize a litlle surprise by way of Champers and a greetings and I was reliably informed via an image text message from my daughter that it was joyously received. (The photo will be posted when this wrinkly ol' silver surfer works out how to get it off his basic cell phone - where have I put that USB lead? - and onto his more familiar laptop)

Many Happy Returns for the day Sarah!

Andy, Jennie, John, Phillip, Valerie, Mike. Sarah and Tersia
I raise a toast to 'The Mums and The Daughters' (pictured)

Later today I have planned, with a lot of help and co-operation from Geraldine to meet Mike, my brother, for a quiet tête a tête lunch nearby home at the Crown and Cushion at Minley before he and Tersia fly back to Jo'burg on Monday and theres's no way I am missing that: After all we have to plan our trip to New Zealand for the Rugby World Cup next November. (In my head I can hear the gentle reminder from my registrar to "take one day at a time David"). Hey, but surel you must have goals to aim at if you want to stick around long enough, especially if England are going to beat The All Blacks in the final?

Brothers in arms, well lubricated aprés déjeuner at the Crown and Cushion

So don't worry folks, although it isn't proving any easy task at the moment, the battle with Goliath is far from over yet as long as I can continue to manage the debilitating effects he's throwing my way at present.


Looking ahead I have to tolerate two more cycles of chemo, a rest and monitoring period after the end of trial CT scan and possibly, because it has proved so effective up until now, another later session of the EOX combination of the Real3 drugs; or even another completely different clinical trail if available and if I meet eligibility criteria. Anything that gives me a decent quality of life will do for me; so back to the one day at a time philosophy which has served me so well and will no doubt decide the best way forward ......that's onwards and upwards on this map which I'm plotting as I go!


Time to see if I can keep down my porridge and pills and not be reminded by the girls about saying 'it's only a bit of morning sickness': Apologies ladies; it will never pass my lips again! LOL


STOP PRESS: Over a fabulous lunch session Mike informed me that Sarah and Phillip are expecting their first baby in July. Fanatastic news of a joyous event to look forward to; congratulations to you both!