Embarkation

The most frightening journey of my life began at around midday on Thursday, 29 July 2010 when I was told I had cancer of the oesophagus. Since that day I have been recording events, emotions and thoughts in an MS Word document on my computer. Now with the encouragement of newly found friends on the Cancer Research UK forum I have decided to publish this diary in the form of a blog.

I have yet to work out how to include here what I have already written* but until then I will press on with my latest musings from today:

It has probably been the worst night so far in that, for the first time, any sleep at all was hard found with the result that I finally got up at 3.30, made a cup of tea and opened up the link to Blogger that I had been given elswhere. Progress is slow but I am gradually getting the hang of it. 

After a pleasant Sunday it took me by surprise that my thoughts throughout the night centred on not knowing how long I had left to live, (but there again do any of us really know the answer to that question? I guess the odds on me reaching four score and ten, as predicted by more than one seaside fortune teller, have just lengthened somewhat!). Facing the prospect of death didn't scare me but the ravages and pain likely to be caused by this wretched disease and its treatments terrify me. Did I really want to endure it all and more to the point did I want my loved ones to witness my suffering any longer than necessary. On popping another couple of paracetamol to ease the discomfort which builds during the night I consoled myself with realising there are perks to this situation: Dunking ginger nuts in my coffee is no longer frowned upon and the scolding now is much less severe when, on route to my mouth, an over sloppy portion falls on the carpet. Also it seems that, earlier, during intimacy following a much needed cuddle, the onset of viagra support has been postponed for the time being. (Just possibly thoughts of what I might be missing gave rise to the darker emotions later)

So in the cold light of dawn some semblance of  peace of mind and harmony are temporarily restored.