After the previous 24 hours of increasing pain and discomfort I was beginning to over react to my perception of what the impact of all this was having on me: "Every facet of my life; my appetite, my routine, my activities, my hobbies, my pleasures, my plans, and every inch of my body, from the hair on my head to the soles of my feet, will gradually be invaded by the effects of the disease and it's treatment. How on earth am I going to cope with whatever the future may throw my way if I can't cope with the minor irritations that have presented so far?....... just as long as the emotional weaponry in the armoury stays serviceable and effective I am fighting hard to control the physical and practical aspects; but for how long and in face of what unknown horrors ahead?"
And all because of the frustration of having to cancel a foray with friends to The Vyne NT estate at Basingstoke yesterday morning. This was due to my now unblocked bowels having cleared with a vengeance several times since early that morning. The ensuing build up of painful wind throughout the day meant that I had very little respite and no chance to catch up on near complete loss of sleep from the previous night's tumour pains, which are proving to be steadily more persistent. Eventually, with overall control restored by use of several over the counter remedies, I did manage to sleep through the discomfort, waking only once briefly at midnight, until five o'clock. At which time it dawned on me that I felt rested and comfortable and if this was to be the pattern, albeit with variable degrees of severity, that good days would follow bad days then, compared to the indescribable anguish and risks to life which several friends, both real and cyber who are also suffering with various forms of cancer, are facing right now, who was I to complain and start feeling fragile!
I'll report back later.
P.S. 09.30 - Tesco home delivery service just arrived with necessary ingredients, so time to get out the Le Creuset casserole and russell up a large batch (16 portions according to the recipe) of Delia's Authentic Ragu Bolognese sauce - should be ready in four hours; just in time to meet Caroline for what looks like being a wet expedition with the dogs.
P.P.S. 20.30 - I can confirm it did indeed turn out to be a good day, though somewhat dull and grey weatherwise this afternoon, during a walk to Long Bottom Pool at Ceasar's Camp, Aldershot with the Anna (thanks for the piccie), Caroline, Jeanette and their canine charges. But when you have such great company the sunshine in their smiles banishes any gloom.
|A motley mud splattered crew - Caroline, Jasper, me and Chaka (playing the green eyed monster)|
|Top photo taken on ridge under trees (centre horizon)|