I never expected this war to be anything other than dirty but yesterday's news made me feel like someone had just lobbed me a primed hand grenade. There was an element of the 'good news, bad news' in what my consultant had to tell me: There was nothing significant regarding the lungs - hooray, but the "spanner in the works" revealed by the PET scan were incursions into the neck and spine - boo, bloody boo! Two further explosions from the next salvo - "inoperable" and "incurable" - left me reeling from shell shock; my blank mind desperately trying to refocus on the previous day's sunny image. So, after beating a hasty retreat into numbness, where do we go from here? There wll be a meeting of the Multi-disciplinary Team (MDT) on Tuesday morning after which, having gone over all the data from the scans, I can expect a phone call from the Clinical Nurse Specialist about their deliberations. In approximately 2-3 weeks I should be into the sytem for chemo-. There was also mention of the possiblity of a trial. My team is headed up by my consultant and the oncologist who have specilaised together in this field for over 13 years so I feel the troops will be well lead. But from my own perspective the oesophageal cancer has taken a back seat to the new kid on the block and all the frightening implications in the area around the spine. And there was me foolishly thinking I had the backbone to withstand anything they threw my way! I need yet another set of questions answered and quickly.
In the meantime, having looked at the ominous black specs on the printout of the PET scan and compared them with the dust marks I see sometimes when digitally editing my photos, I reckon all my problems would be solved with a quick application of the clone brush in Photoshop. Unfortunately I didn't notice a Creative Suite qualification on Mr Singh's CV - you just can't get the staff these days!
I think it's time for a long weekend away in Scotland to get away from it all:
Oh S&*t David,
ReplyDeleteNow that's absolutely NOT what we all wanted to hear at all - however you have been in touch with people recently on the forum that are both inoperable and incurable and doing really really well on trials.
Rose will tell you I'm sure that you get so well looked after on trials - they monitor you like a hawk and there is nothing to say that you won't see really positive results if you take part in a trial.
Another poster on the board has inoperable and incurable lung cancer - her trial drug has reduced her tumours recently.
After the MDT, you'll know more...
In the meantime, nothing has changed from the other day. You are still bigger than them, tougher than them and up for the fight xxx
Oh David what can I say?Take time out to scream and cry and grieve,you dont need to be strong all the time.When I come back as queen,as I intend to do,I will make it a law that only horrible people get cancer,far too many lovely people are affected by this.
ReplyDeleteI hope the next meeting shines some positive light on your treatment.As you know I have been on a trial for 20 months as mine are inoperable.I would recommend it to everyone but that is a personal opinion.
Stay strong David.Big hugs coming your way
Rose xxx
David, David, David,
ReplyDeleteThis is starting to turn into a bit of a battle ay? I have passed this link on to a couple of people and even if you don't like or have no knowledge of the Rocky films the music can inspire you when you need it most....don't let it win, don't let it get you down (although as Rose says there may be times when you need to let go)..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJmr5CKY73M&feature=related
You are a real trooper mate and your eloquence is a credit....Scotland sounds like a bit of a plan...escape and forget.
Escape and forget if that is what is needed!
Stay strong and dont forget the medicinal brew..I have tried the Otter whilst in Charmouth!
T