Gullet's Gutted but Willy's Well

Although the staging is more or less complete we are still in what I term the diagnostic phase in as much as later to day I pay my first visit to St Luke's Cancer Centre at Guildford for the purpose of meeting members of the Real 3 clinical trial team. This will involve discussions with Sarah Oakes, Research Sister, and one of the research doctors. There will also be blood tests, ECG and a history questionnaire to negotiate as well as another CT scan: All of which will determine my suitability in matching the criteria necessary for participating in the trial. Having considered all the implications I have opted for this route because in my view it satisfies at least three of the most important priorities: Firstly my acknowledement of and my agreement with the advice of the MDT that this is the best option for me as opposed to a standard course of chemotherapy using a slighty different combination of drugs. The possible cocktail of side effects is more or less the same either way, the outcome is as equally unpredictable, but I anticipate that the care, attention and monitoring will be second-to-none. Secondly my willing acceptance allows me to maintain the positive attitude necessary to uphold the initial committment I made to myself to shield my loved ones from as much anguish as possible. This was the first thought that entered my head when told I had cancer and it drives my determination to be strong. And thirdly if participation in the trial proves in the slightest way beneficial to future generations of cancer patients then my journey will have not be in vain, so finally there is a useful purpose to whatever remains of my life.

With this episode over Geraldine and I are heading down to Willy's Well, our favourite getaway at Bashley in the New Forest, for a much needed break from the traumas of the last few weeks. From our previous experience of the fellowship of the people and our appreciation of the beautiful countryside it is hoped we can recharge our batteries in preparation for the arduous task ahead.